I often don't react to "bad acting" the way that other people do.
I think that this might be because I simply don't notice the tells that are so obvious to other people. (Hmm...that probably means that I'd be a bad poker player as well.)
My adviser suggested that I might have a mild form of autism, which prevents me from noting various interpersonal cues.
Just a thought.
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15 comments:
Wow! What a statement from an adivsor!
Unless he or she is specialized in autism, a statement like that is very inappropriate, unprofessional and even insulting.
I think she meant it in the nicest possible way. She knows that I have interpersonal issues and has been working with me despite them for the last few years. I think that she is hoping that I will try to get help.
I don't think that such a statement is insulting in the least! People do this kind of stuff all the time. Think about it, if you had a friend who you thought drank too much, wouldn't you suggest he/she get some help? It's no different for possible cases of mental illness!
Although I don't read this particular blog often, I couldn't help but notice how this posting dovetails with a few previous posts I read here. I seem to remember a lot of signs of lack of interpersonal skills, such as arguments with a secretary, with coworkers, with advisors, etc. Maybe this advisor is on to something. Have you been thoroughly tested for this at all?
You don't pick up on facial or body language cues too well, but you can and have...I think it's more a matter of focusing on the words and what people say rather then the sub-text. You're very literal, and you are not very perceptive of the subtext.
Also, because you are honorable and always do what you say you will do, and because you think of other people in very practicle and thoughtful ways, you assume that other people are the same and have high expectations that most people in our society don't have.
It irritates you when someone says "OK, I'll see what I can do about that" and then blows you off, because you didn't get the body language and tone of voice that said "Whatever, I don't want to tell you I'm not going to do it." You might hear the tone, and know what it means, but because they said they would see what they can do, you expect them to actually follow through, when most people would look at it and say "Yeah...they're going to forget about it before they reach the door, I'd better cover my ass."
It is irritating and it's not right, but it's just a part of our society that people give the semi-polite brush-off to be vague and non-specific and avoide confrontation and accountability.
On the other hand, the first commenter is correct in saying that the statement of the councilor was inappropriate, unless she has specilized training in the area of autism. Minnesota has a law against such things...don't know about where you are.
But I think you were correct in assuming that the councilor meant well. She might be taking a risk in hopes that you might get help you need.
[to second anonymous] Autism is not a mental illness it is a learning disability.
Trees
Learning disability or mental illness, my point was that it isn't inappropriate to try to help someone out by suggesting he/she seek help, especially if that person needs it.
I was also thinking more about social cues and wondering if lack thereof had anything to do with not washing dishes or cleaning up on a regular basis. Maybe this could be related to not picking up on facial expressions and body language? Whereas some people might think: here's a messy room, I'd better clean it up, a person without any social clues wouldn't understand why to even be tidy, since he/she can live comfortably with the mess.
Well, Karen is very hygenic and tidy (at least when she is visiting me), so I don't think that's an issue.
10:26 PM, February 18, 2007,
(since you don't sign a name, I'll use your posting time/date as an identifier)
It IS inappropriate for someone in a position of authority or influence to propose a medical diagnosis when one does not have the training necessary to make said diagnosis. It is iappropriate and unprofessional.
That said, the professional in question probably thought it was wortht the risk because she believed that Karen would react appropriatly, which she did.
And whatever interpersonal issues Karen might have, knowing when to clean and pick up is not one of them. She's very good at seeing what needs to be done in that way and doing it. In fact, some of the issues that she has had is with OTHER people not doing their part, and other people either taking it for granted, or getting mad at her for "being intrusive" (i.e. offering help when they asked someone else for help, but the other person couldn't help)
Trees
You say it's inappropriate, yet you don't give any real reasons, you just seem to think it's that way because you think it. Very strange logic. Anyway, I think I've made my point with regard to that. As to the other comment about tidiness, since I've never met this blogger, I don't know if she's tidy when she visits you, all I have to go on is the blogger's own blog, which seems to imply untidiness (having to _bleach_ dishes because they're covered with _slime_?? Come on! That's not tidy.) And, according to other comments I've seen by a neighbor (I think), this is the usual situation. I feel sorry for the poor ferrets, actually, because an environment that's so filthy could be detrimental to their health. What if they ate something off the floor and got sick? Or climbed up and licked some slimy dishes? Yuck!
Bushes
Hey Karen! You've picked up a troll! A troll who thinks standard medical ethics and the minnesota legislature have a "Strange logic"!
Wow.
Anyway, congratulations at getting your first creepy person obsessed with negativity and conflict! It's a real milestone.
Trees
I wasn't going to comment the whole tidiness thing, but since my ferrets were brought into it, I feel the need to say something.
The ferrets are kept away from all dangerous substances. Cleaning supplies are kept locked away in cabinets or in the bathroom, where they can't go, because there is always a babygate up to keep them away.
The dishes are problematic in general, but they are well out of reach of the ferrets. The kitchen counters are high enough that they can't get up there. (Fortunately, they can't jump as high as cats.)
As far as them eating something nasty off the floor, that's just not an issue. My place is not tidy, but it's not dirty. There isn't anything decaying on the floor or anywhere else (with the possible exception of the bottom of the kitchen sink between washings). There are papers and books all over the place, but nothing that they could eat. I'm very concientious about what is within their reach. Their safety is very important to me.
Much of the "untidiness" in my apartment is due to various blankets and boxes left for the ferrets to play with. The living room is more theirs than mine.
@trees: Minnesota Legislature?!?!? What does that have to do with anything?
Herbage
Karen, you said that your advisor meant her comment in the nicest possible way. I don’t know you, but I really hope you are right. You said that you often have problems noticing interpersonal cues and that it is often hard for you to tell if others are just “acting”. If this is the case, I hope you are not misjudging your advisor when you say that she just tried to help you.
I guess my point is if she really just tried to be helpful, she could have said or done so many other things. More appropriate things. In my opinion she crossed a line with her comment. From experience I know that it involves a lot of testing before a child gets diagnosed with autism. So, if someone makes a comment like this without being a specialist in that field it is just insulting - not only to you, but also to everybody who actually has autism or who has a family member with autism.
There is so much more to autism. If everybody who has problems understanding implied meaning and doesn’t clean their dishes automatically had a mild form of autism, well then most of the guys I dated in college must have had autism as well. That way of arguing just lacks fundamental background knowledge about the subject matter.
So, Karen, if you think that she really just tried to be helpful then I hope you are right. I wish you all the best if you decide to get tested for autism and of course, I also hope you will learn how to deal with your interpersonal problems. And about your ferrets: They are really lucky to have someone who cares so much for them like you do.
"@trees: Minnesota Legislature?!?!? What does that have to do with anything?
Herbage"
Oh, just a little thing I mentioned previously in the conversation about how the Minnesota legislature has made it illegal for teachers and advisors to suggest a diagnosis of a learning disability unless they have specific training and certification that equips them to do so...(on the grounds that it is unethical)
But that's OK, I understand you don't really listen to/read the people you are conversing with and only care about what comes out from between your flapping gums.
*sheesh* you are a really incompetant troll, you know that?
Next thing you know, you'll be criticizing spelling/grammer errors and invoking Hitler analogies.
Bored now.
OK, folks, please play nice, or I'll have to turn off the comments option.
Maybe I should have said this before now: Civil (and even heated) discussions/debate are fine and encouraged. But please, no name calling or low blows to me or anyone else.
Thanks,
The Management
@ anonymous from 7:04 PM, February 22, 2007.
I just re-read your comment. I never said that I couldn't tell if people were acting. I just said that I don't necessarily notice bad acting, because I'm possibly not picking up on the more subtle cues that actors are (or aren't) giving in their portrayals.
I don't think that ordinary people are "acting". (Well, I'm sure that one could get into all sorts of philosophical debates on the portrayal of self, but I just mean in the most basic, lay-meaning of acting.)
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